One of the hardest things for parents to go through when they decide to divorce is telling the children they will no longer live together. A child experiences the loss of the parent keenly and often feels they need to pick one side over the other. Children may feel they are being disloyal to the parent they do not live with.

Telling a child their life will change is a difficult but necessary thing to do, and the sooner the better. Children are very aware of when things have gone wrong in the home and will blame themselves for any problems.

One of the most important things to tell a child is that it’s not their fault. Explain that Mom and Dad have had problems and don’t agree on certain things. Tell them that even though you won’t be together living under the same roof, it is not because of anything the child has done.

Let the child know you will always be their parents. Just because Dad or Mom doesn’t live with them anymore, doesn’t mean they won’t still be there for them. No one will ever take their place in the parents’ hearts and no one will ever take the place of the parents to the child.

Let the child know that divorce is a big change, but that change can be a good thing. Everything in life changes and it’s not anyone’s fault, it’s just the way life is. Tell the child that both parents are good people and never bad mouth either parent to the child. This can undermine that parent’s authority and create a sense of being loyal to one parent over the other.

Make sure the child knows everything will be ok. Even though things are changing in their life, and things are difficult right now - things will be better in time. Children are afraid that their world will never be alright again and they need to be consoled and reassured that is not the case.

Make sure the child knows you love them and will continue to. Children need to know their parents will always love them no matter what happens. Also be honest with children, they need to know that either Mom or Dad won’t be living there anymore. Don’t try to say they are away on business; children are smart they will understand when the parent doesn’t come back.

The most important thing to remember is to listen to your child. Let them express their feelings and fears to you without judgement. Talking and spending time together can help them overcome a divorce. Answer any questions they may have honestly and let them know it’s ok however they feel.