Of all the reasons people get divorced, abuse is the scariest. Having to live with someone who either physically or emotionally harms you can not only leave scars on your skin - but on your feelings. Once you have made the decision to end this dangerous relationship, you need to know how to leave safely to protect yourself and any children you might have.

The first thing you will need to do is secure a good support system. Many times an abused partner has been kept out the loop when it comes to finances or managing the household. At times like these, the abused party tends to lose confidence in their ability to take care of themselves or their children. Gaining support from family members, friends and even professional counselors will go a long way to giving you the courage to finally leave the relationship.

If there has been physical abuse the police need to be notified immediately. Its preferable that at any time during the marriage there has been physical abuse the police would be called and a report made. If this is not the case, at least having some kind of record now will help once the divorce goes to trial.

A restraining order should be issued and enforced; although bear in mind this is only a piece of paper and does not prevent the abuser from seeking you out anyway. There are times the abuser will try to win back their spouse claiming they have changed. As long as you have the restraining order, you can call the police to force the abuser off the property. The courts will also note how many times they violate the order, if that ends up being the case.

If you do not have anywhere to stay such as friends or family, a shelter is a good idea for the time being. A shelter can offer advice and even career counselling to help with the start of a new life. Receiving professional therapy can be a smart idea to understand what brought you into an abusive relationship and ways to prevent it from happening again.

Document everything since leaving the home as well, especially if the abuser has tried several times to make contact. Having witnesses around if you decide to meet with your spouse for both safety and having someone else’s word besides your own is also helpful.

Divorces tend to work much the same way as any divorce legally. Property division, custody issues and support payments are usually agreed on. These divorces tend to be contested, so the case will most likely go to trial with a judge deciding on most issues. There are times the courts will award custody to the abused spouse, but this is not always the case. The courts will determine if the children have been abused and who can financially provide for the children.

Being prepared and having the proper documents can help win a divorce based on abuse. It’s the first step in getting your life back.